Bill Stewart Must Go (dot) COM

No play Big Ben.  Ben no play Ravens.  Big Ben concussed.

Fearing further brain trauma (HA!) for Ben Roethlisberger, it has been reported that he will not play against Baltimore on Sunday.  And with Charlie Batch out, this makes Dennis Dixon the starting QB for the Steelers against their AFC North rivals.  Even worse for the Steelers, the 2nd quarterback will be former Pitt QB Tyler “Douche” Palko.  Palko will be signed from the practice squad and Roethlisberger will be listed as the 3rd quarterback.

Between his motorcycle accident and the concussions he’s suffering on the field, it’s only a matter of time before Roethlisberger becomes the next Troy Aikman.  Or, worse yet, Joe Buck.

“Big Ben like football.  Look at man run with football.  Man do things with ball.”  What a broadcasting career he will have…

At least he has an endorsement deal

In one of the more nauseating stories of the day, it looks like Tyler Palko is going to be back in Pittsburgh.  But this time with the Steelers.  Since Charlie Batch somehow figured out how to break his wrist in the 30 seconds he played Sunday, the Steelers are going to move him down to injured reserve and make Dennis Dixon the #2 quarterback on the roster.  And it looks like they’re only going to have 2 on the active roster for the time being but had to sign another quarterback so they signed Tyler “Douchebag” Palko. 

Palko most recently played for the CFL’s Montreal Alouettes, which seems like the appropriate place for him to stay.  But, no, he’s coming back to Pittsburgh for a team I actually like.  Lord help us all if he actually makes it out on the field.

At least he has an endorsement deal

Call it a Super Bowl hangover.  Call it luck.  You can call it whatever you want but Pittsburgh got beat Sunday by one of the worst teams in the NFL.  And their quarterback got concussed in the process.

Almost 400 yards passing from Roethlisberger couldn’t overcome the Steelers 3 turnovers.  Another kickoff return for a touchdown and an interception that was nearly another touchdown made this game go to overtime.  The Steeler defense played well enough to win, holding the Cheifs to 282 yards while the Steelers offense gained 515.  But special teams and turnovers doomed the Steelers this week again, just like the Cincinnati game.  And while the Steeler defense was decent, it’s not the same without Polamalu playing.

The Steelers are now 6-4 and travel to Baltimore in what must be considered a “must-win” game.  They are still only a game behind Cincinnati but the Bengals hold any tie-breaker between the two teams.  The Steelers are also in a good position to grab a wildcard but they must win some games and stop turning the ball over.  And let’s try to get something going on special teams.  I know a good special teams coach down in West Virginia…

One sweep since 1991. That’s what the Bengals had against the Steelers coming into today’s game in Pittsburgh. During that course of times, the Steelers sweeped the series 10 times.  That is the futility of the Bengals, aka “The Bungles.”  But now make it 2 sweeps since ‘91.  The Bengals have figured out a way to win football games.  They’ve swept the Ravens and now the Steelers and it’s very unlikely that they won’t sweep the Browns.  The Bengals are likely to win the AFC North.  It’s really kinda shocking when you think about it.  Cincinnati with Ochocinco just swept the Steelers.  How very depressing.

Carson Palmer models his favorite underwear

Cincinnati coach Marvin Lewis has informed Chad Ochocinco that he cannot send condoms to the Pittsburgh Steelers this week.  Last week, Ochocinco sent deodorant to the Baltimore Ravens.  Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with sending a little deodorant to the Ravens.  I’m sure they need it.  I’m not sure they’d know what to do with it.

But back to the Ochocinco and condoms for the Steelers.  Why is it Marvin Lewis’ place to stop Chad from sending something to the Steelers that they might need?  We know Ben Roethlisberger is having sex with random folks at golf tournaments.  Perhaps he’d like one of these special Ochocinco condoms.  Chad is just trying to help his friends and I see nothing wrong with that.

UPDATE:  I guess I should have read the article before writing about it.  It wasn’t condoms.  It was condiments.  Mustard.  Just mustard.

Now with Ochocinco Flavoring

The Stillers aren’t taking no crap from a Bronco and they made that perfectly clear at Mile High Stadium on Monday Night Football (not be to confused with “Football Night in America”, which is apparently Sunday).  Just when Denver thought they might be the best team in all the football land, the Stillers took out their big boots and their big sticks and whipped up on the Broncos.

“I was sceered,” said head football coach Josh McDaniels.  “Real sceered.  Them Stillers weren’t playing right.  They were big meanies.”

The Stiller defense was playing pretty well, forcing 3 Kyle Orton interceptions.  One by Troy Polamalu and then two by Tyrone Carter, one of which he returned for a touchdown.  Even worse, the Stillers scared Correll Buckhalter and Knowshon Moreno so badly that they wouldn’t even run towards the Stiller defense.

“We had 27 rushing yards on 14 attempt, mayne,” said wide receiver Brandon Marshall.  “Come on.  I mean, come on.  That ain’t good.  That’s ain’t good, mayne.  We’ve got to run the ball.  Gotta run the ball.  Can’t win if you can’t run sometimes.  I ain’t believin’ Moreno shit his pants on his last run.  That was just embarrassing.  Runnin’ away from a defense and poopin’ your pants.  That’s ain’t right.”

As a final blow to Denver’s dignity, at the end of the game Troy Polamalu was holding down Kyle Orton and forcing Orton to punch himself in the head with his own right hand.  As if that were not indignant enough, Polamalu was dousing Orton with the classic “quit hitting yourself, quit hitting yourself” taunt.  This went on for 25 minutes after the game, non-stop.

“That ain’t right,” said Marshall.  “Just ain’t right.  Beating us and then making our quarterback beat up himself.”  After being asked if he would returned to the field to save Orton, Marshall responded, “What’s that?  Hell no, I ain’t goin to save his ass.  Polamalu will wear out eventually.  But it still ain’t right.”

“It’s not fair.  It’s just not fair,” said Brett Favre following the Packers Jets Vikings 27-17 loss at Heinz Field on Sunday.  “I tried really, really hard out there.  I threw the ball a bunch and got a lot of yards in the air.  I only threw one interception and that wasn’t even really my fault.  I just want to cry.”

“Brett is obviously disappointed,” head coach Brad Childress said.  “He really tried hard out there.  He ignored his manicure issue and took the field and really played a helluva game.  I made him some hot chocolate and got him his favorite pair of Wranglers and that didn’t even cheer him up.  I even found his sash and favorite princess hat but it still didn’t make up for losing to Pittsburgh today.  He’s just so sad.”

Even though the Pittsburgh defense gave up nearly 400 yards to Minnesota, the Vikings two turnovers late in the game sealed their fate.  Minnesota falls to 6-1 while Pittsburgh improves to 5-2.

“I’m just going to take him back to Minnesota and get him back up,” Childress concluded.  “I know what Brett likes and I’ll give it to him the way only a bald, mustachioed man truly can.  He’ll be ready to go again by next week.  I promise you that.”

You can't keep a good Princess down.

This is breaking news that you won’t see in the mainstream press.  Brett Favre may not be in action today against Pittsburgh.  I repeat, the Lord, Brett Favre, may not be in action today against the Pittsburgh Steelers.  And we here at billstewartmustgo.com bring you the exclusive:

NEWS FLASH

We just received this flash from Long Duk Dong:  I have heard that Brett Favre is questionable for today’s game against Pittsburgh.  Apparently Favre had a manicure on Friday and he is afraid the nails haven’t set properly.  A Vikings insider said that as part of the manicure, Favre had a few jewels attached to his nails and he is afraid a jarring hit could make them come loose.

“I saw his nails and they look pretty,” a Vikings insider said on the condition of anonymity.  “The real killer is that these are real nails.  Brett doesn’t like to wear acrylics so he really has to be cautious.  In 2004, Brett got a really nice manicure with little decals of unicorns on his nails and then they played the Bears.  By the end of the game, the unicorns were gone and his nails were chipped.  He really is just afraid to risk it.”

When Vikings Coach Brad Childress was questioned about Favre’s decision, he has this to say:  “At the end of the day, Brett has to do what’s best for Brett.  It’s a team sport and we need him but if he doesn’t feel up to 100%, then we can get by with Tarvaris.  I saw his nails earlier and, yes, I’m afraid they could get damaged.  They really are quite stunning.”

We tracked down Favre and here’s what he had to say:  “I really don’t want to talk about it too much.  I have a tough decision to make and I’m really haven’t a hard time.  On one hand, it’s my teammates.  On the other hand, dude, have you seen these jewels?”

The Vikings are 6-0 and this is considered by many to be the game of the week in the NFL.  Without Favre, it’s just another game.  A final decision is not expected until kickoff.

END

According to Don Henderson, Jeff Reed’s agent, Pittsburgh kicker Jeff Reed did not resist arrest when he was picked up for public intoxication on Sunday night.  Reed is charged with simple assault, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and public drunkenness.  Making the story more interesting is that the police were actually there to arrest Matt Spaeth for urinating in public. That’s classy.  As I said before, do not look at THIS PICTURE of Jeff Reed.  I warned you.

Jeff Reed, the Pittsburgh Steelers interesting kicker, received a citation for public intoxication and disorderly conduct. Reed got in trouble earlier this year for beating the hell out of a paper towel dispenser. Jeff Reed is an interesting guy. Jeff Reed. Jeff Reed. Don’t click on this Jeff Reed. I warned you…didn’t I?