Bill Stewart Must Go (dot) COM

There may be a lack of updates until Sunday as I had to the land where cats piss away, better known as Piscataway (the name comes from an old Indian word meaning “Smells Like Cat Piss”).  And that’s in New Jersey.  They might have Internet there but I’ll be damned if I’m asking any of the locals where to find it.  Just the smell might be enough to kill me so, I may or may not be back Sunday. 

Regardless, I’m going to see if WVU can put the hex on Greg Schiano and Rutgers yet again.  It should be interesting to see how Bill Stewart keeps this team focused and motivated since it appears that, win or lose, the team is going to the Gator Bowl.

If I get a chance to post an update on how things are at Rutgers, I will do so.  If not, I leave you all in the incapable hands of the other writers and contributors.  May God have mercy on your souls.

Earlier today, Tiger Woods apologized to the golfing world, his family and his friends for using his putter on greens that were not his own.  “I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart,” Woods said.

Woods, the world’s #1 golfer and perhaps the world’s richest athlete with a fortune estimated at $1 billion, suffered facial cuts and bruises when he ran his Cadillac SUV into a fire hydrant and a tree while pulling out of the driveway of his home in Windermere, Florida at around 2 a.m. last Friday.  Several rumors about what truly happened have been circulating since the incident.  One rumor is that his wife, Elin, chased his with a golf club and smashed up the SUV he was driving, causing him to lose control and hit a fire hydrant and a tree.

Woods stated that domestic violence was not the cause of his accident and the Florida Highway Patrol has closed their investigation into the matter.  The FHP fined Woods $164, which he has already paid.

While not addressing the number of greens Woods has used his putter on, it is believed he has putted on at least two greens outside of his house.  It is also unclear from his statement who was trimming the grass but more information will surely be in the tabloids soon.

Keep that grass trimmed close

Tiger Woods has withdrawn from his own tournament following the bizarre accident he suffered on Friday.

“I am extremely disappointed that I will not be at my tournament this week,” Woods said. “I am certain it will be an outstanding event and I’m very sorry that I can’t be there.”

Tiger sustained cuts and bruises when he crashed his SUV into a fire hydrant and a tree at 2:25 a.m.  He was treated and released from a hospital, and has not been seen in public since.  TMZ.com is sticking by their story that Woods was in a domestic dispute with his wife, Elin.  Woods isn’t talking to the cops at the moment and the questions continue to mount.  It’s starting to appear that Woods isn’t the only one in the household who is handy with an iron.

Ron Cherry making the greatest penalty call of all time:

TMZ is reporting that perhaps Tiger Woods sustained his injuries before his car accident and, instead, they were the result of a beating from his wife, Elin Nordegren.  According to TMZ.com, they were told:

“He said his wife had confronted him about reports that he was seeing another woman. The argument got heated and, according to our source, she scratched his face up. We’re told it was then Woods beat a hasty retreat for his SUV — but according to our source, Woods says his wife followed behind with a golf club. As Tiger drove away, she struck the vehicle several times with the club.  We’re told Woods became “distracted,” thought the vehicle was stopped, and looked to see what had happened. At that point the SUV hit the fire hydrant and then hit a tree.”

This has been a pretty odd story since it was released yesterday when it was reported that Tiger had “serious” injuries then his agent said they were minor.  Then we were told he hit a hydrant and tree but the airbags didn’t deploy and alcohol wasn’t a factor.  Now TMZ.com is saying it was domestic abuse.  This is just getting more and more bizarre as the days pass.

Apologize for the lack of updates yesterday, which will most likely occur again today. Rod and Long Duk Dong are busy moving a home so, until they are available again tonight, just watch ESPN or your other favorite sporting network.  Just a couple things, if you missed it:

• Mangino is defending himself and calling the accusers bitter and petty.  As last check, he has not eaten anyone yet.
• Andy Kniceley resigned from the FSU Board of Governors following his verbal assault of a Fairmont State coach back on October 30th.
• Fairmont Senior led at halftime against University but couldn’t score in the second half.  They lost 31-28 and the Hawks advance in the State AAA Playoffs.
• The mighty Orange of Syracuse beat down UNC last night.  Dick Vitale is still on his knees praying for a miracle for the Tarheels.
• Rich Rodriguez believes he’ll return to UM next year despite what happens in the OSU game.
• Charlie Weis doesn’t believe his future at Notre Dame has been determined yet.

And that about covers the things that interested me last night.  Check back tonight and see if I’m still coherent enough to make some observations on today’s events.  Oh, and just for good measure and in preparation of next Friday’s game, Eat Shit Shitake Mushrooms Pitt.

Dammit, I am not the Syracuse Orange

Some facts are still in dispute, some gaps still remain and the final chapter of the Bill Stewart story is yet to be told.  But this much we know for sure:

Bill Stewart was born in 1871 in Amish country.  Around the turn of the century, Bill Stewart played at Fairmont State College, where he was a three-year letterman and team captain for the WVIAC champions.

Details are very sketchy but it is believed that Stewart was in Hiroshima, Japan on August 5, 1945 and Nagasaki, Japan on August 8, 1945; one day prior to the atomic bombing of each city.  While Stewart strong denies any connection to the bombing, it seems very inplausible he did not have direct knowledge.

After being spotted on the grassy knoll in Dallas, Texas on November 22, 1963, Stewart went on a spirtual quest to India where he met the Dhali Lama and looked for the meaning of life.  Stewart’s interest in Indian culture expanded to Hinduism. During a pilgrimage to Bombay, India with his wife, Stewart studied sitar, met several gurus and visited various holy places. In 1968, Stewart traveled to India to study meditation with the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

In 1971 Stewart joined Nixon’s 1972 campaign as a member of the Committee to Re-elect the President (CRP).  At CRP, Stewart concocted several plots, some far-fetched, intended to embarrass the Democratic opposition.  Stewart was the Nixon Administration liaison and leader of the group of five men who broke into the headquarters of the Democratic National Committee at the Watergate Complex with the intent to plant listening devices.  Stewart was sentenced to a 20-year prison term and was ordered to pay $40,000 in fines for his role in Watergate. He began serving the sentence on January 30, 1973. On April 12, 1977, President Jimmy Carter commuted Stewart’s sentence to eight years, “in the interest of equity and fairness based on a comparison of Mr. Stewart’s sentence with those of all others convicted in Watergate related prosecutions”, leaving the fine in effect.  Stewart was released on September 7, 1977 having served a total of four-and-a-half years of actual incarceration.

The 1980’s proved to be a time of renaissance for Stewart.  In 1986, Stewart release the album True Blue.  The album spawned three number-one singles on the Billboard Hot 100 charts: “Live to Tell”, “Papa Don’t Preach” and “Open Your Heart”, as well as other top-five singles “True Blue” and “La Isla Bonita”.  By early 1989, Stewart had signed an endorsement deal with soft drink manufacturer Pepsi. He debuted his new song, “Like a Prayer” in a Pepsi commercial and also made a music video for it. The video featured many Catholic symbols such as stigmata and burning crosses. It suggested an interracial relationship between Stewart’s character and a black priest, hence it was condemned by the Vatican.  Pepsi was unable to convince the public that their commercial was not inappropriate. They revoked the commercial and cancelled their sponsorship contract with Stewart.

After wandering around a few years, Stewart finally landed back in football.  In 1994, he assumed the head coaching position at Virginia Military Institute. Stewart was 8 -25 over three seasons.  Stewart was the 26th head college football coach for the Virginia Military Institute Keydets located in Lexington, Virginia and he held that position for three seasons, from 1994 until 1996. His career coaching record at VMI was 8 wins and 25 losses. This ranks him 15th at VMI in total wins and 24th at VMI in winning percentage.

And now he’s at West Virginia.  And we just lost to South Florida.  Is there really anymore that needs to be said?

Don't Cross Me, Son

Former USC basketball coach Tim Floyd broke up a fight in the food court of a California-area casino.  Floyd resigned at USC under some investigation that he may or may not have paid O.J. Mayo’s “handler” to get the highly touted recruit to come out to USC.  Floyd apparently moved back to New Orleans to “reevaluate life.”

It was a fight between a couple women and they were prepared to take Floyd down from behind with a chair to the head.  ”I didn’t see behind me,” Floyd said. “It was one of those deals where people were circling, chanting and cheering. It went on for 20 to 30 seconds before I walked up there. I was thinking someone would break it up but nobody would.”

There’s no report on whether the crowd was cheering “cat fight, cat fight.”  There’s also no report on whether people were actually thankful that Floyd broke up the fight or were disappointed that they didn’t get to see a little woman on woman fighting action.  I’m guessing people were pretty disappointed.  CAT FIGHT!

Oh, nevermind. Tim Floyd should break this up.

Bridgeport, that is

I packed up the buggy and traveled on down south to Bridgeport country for a little West Virginia High School football action on a Friday night.  #4 Bridgeport Indians was playin’ host to my own hometown and #2 team Fairmont Senior High School  Now, folks, the Polar Bear was ready to scalp some Indians but those daggone Indians had other ideas.

Me and the folks rolled into Bridgeport country around 6:45 and found a parkin lot full of all kinds of fancy vehicles.  Honda, Kia, Saturn and even seen us a Daewoo.  My Lord, a Daewoo.  Well, we’s was about dumbstruck then and almost turned the buggy round but Ma was feelin a bit upset in the stomach so we best stay so she could use the facilities.  Woo, boy…them Bridgeport people sure be nice.

The Indian Band went round the field and they weer led by that Chicken-Fil-A cow.  Now how them Bridgeport folks managed to get the mascot of a fancy restaurant like Chicken-Fil-A, me and Jed never did reckon.  But we sure was impressed by that cow.  We stood for the American Anthem and then them Indians thereby recognize dtheir senior athletes.  Daisy was a bit upset havin never finished her GED but she applauded anyway cause that’s what good people do.

Now there weren’t many seats left to be had so me and the clan had to sit over by the Fairmont student section.  Those doggone kids were up and down, in and out.  I can only reckon they all had bladder infections and were goin to the facilities often.  Darn near made watchin the game impossible tryin to see through them doggone kids.  Daisy kept tryin to move em but they just wasn’t very cooperative.

Them Indians had to punt followin a bad first try and the Bears scored first.  But the Bears wouldn’t score again.  Nope.  Them Bridgeport kids done figured out the Bears and never let them score again.  Fairmont almost scored right after that half intermission but them ref flagged the Bears for some reason and I yelled “what in tarnation was that?” but my hollerin’ was drowned out by them Fairmont students yellin “bullshit.”  I done agreed it was bullshit but my Ma told me not to say those kinda things.  Doggone Polar Bears never did get that close to scorin again.

Between that announcer yellin between plays through his megaphone and the band playin some stuff I didn’t know, it just became too much for me and Ma and the clan to handle so we packed back up the buggy and headed to the Chick-Fil-A.  We had seen the cow earlier and I promised Ma I would take her somewheres fancy for dinner.  I was gonna go to MacDonalds but decided we’d go high class since I put on my best blue jeans.  We found out that the Polar Bears lost 35-7 to them Indians.  We was hopin for a win but it wasn’t meant to be.   But it was a fun trip to the big city anyway.

Some folks should eat less chicken

Since our pretty centrally located in the Morgantown, Clarksburg and Fairmont area (so far), I would be remissed to not mention that a local Fairmont Senior student was featured on ESPNRise this week.  Logan Moore, the Fairmont Senior High School quarterback, was named the East Region Player of the Week.  Moore accounted for 461 of his team’s 647 yards of offense and seven of its eight touchdowns in their blowout win over Wheeling Park last Friday. He was 20-of-31 passing for 325 yards and three scores and rushed 13 times for 136 yards and four TDs.  He also intercepted two passes.

If there’s any knock on Moore, it’s gotta be that he wear No. 4 because he likes Brett Favre.  Really?  Things were going so well and then the ESPN Rise article had to throw in the thing about Favre.  Oh well, we’ll forgive him because he plays Bridgeport this Friday and there’s nothing better than watching the Indians lose.  Yeah, you heard me…Bridgeport, you’re going down, suckas.

Dude, Favre was named Miss Bachelorette...