Bill Stewart Must Go (dot) COM

In the midst of firings all across the college landscape that include Jabba the Weis and coaching legend Bobby Bowden, Ralph Friedgen somehow managed to keep his job despite leading Maryland to a 2-10 record this year.  It is, by far, the worst season Maryland has experienced under the Fridge.  While showing great promise early in his Terrapin career, Maryland has struggled in the mid-to-back of the ACC pack the last few.  In 2001, the Terrapins won the ACC and in 2002 and 2003, they finished second.

However, there is a victory that Friedgen can claim and that’s against his burgeoning waistline.  In October of 2008, Friedgen weight 401 pounds.  He’s lost about 105 pounds since starting his diet that consists of 5 small meals a day.  So, he’s got that going for him. 

Friedgen and the Terrapins are back on the Mountaineers schedule next year after a 2-year hiatus.

I think this is pre-weight loss. Maybe?

In a move the surprised 4 people, Virginia decided to part ways with their less than awesome coach, Al Groh.  A 5-7 2008 followed by a 3-9 2009 has led to Groh’s dismissal from the Cavaliers program.  The only thing that is confusing about Groh is the fact that he has gotten so many players in the NFL despite poor performances on the field.  32 players from Virginia have been signed to NFL contracts under Groh’s watch.  And they can’t beat Duke.  What’s up with that?

Groh’s fate was probably sealed when Virginia lost to William and Mary to begin the year.  And, as Lou Holtz would tell you, they “had more Marys than Williams“.  And, to make it even worse, Virginia lost to Duke.  Yeah, DUKE.  Groh did outcoach WVU coach Rich Rodriguez in the 2002 Continental Tire Bowl, so he had that going for him.  Other than that, not much else.

So, goodbye Al Groh.  We’ll miss you.  Actually, we won’t…but, farewell nonetheless.

I'm afraid it's too late...what's done is done.

If you look at the ACC, it’s easy to see that it is an absolute mess.  The teams that were supposed to compete for a national title this year were Virginia Tech and Miami.  Both of those teams are 7-3 and look far from an elite national power.  Florida State is dealing with a coach that won’t retire and can’t win because they lost their defense somewhere at an Outback Steakhouse.  Wake Forest, NC State, Maryland and Virginia have all been eliminated from bowl possibilities and, for a little while, people thought Duke (DUKE!) might win the ACC Coastal Division.  Instead, it’s Clemson (7-3) and the improbable, Paul Johnson led Georgia Tech that will be battling for a position in the Orange Bowl.

Paul Johnson led Navy back to relevance by perfecting the triple option flexbone offense.  And now he has taken it to Georgia Tech and apparently no one in the ACC can figure out how to stop it.  But how long can this triple option keep Georgia Tech winning?  Miami shut it down earlier this season but no one has since.  Most people call it an antiquated offense which is not a fit for major college football but it’s being successful in the ACC.  Will that equate to Georgia Tech being able to succeed on a bigger scale by playing a “gimmicky” offense?  Or will other teams try to emulate the it which will allow more defenses to prepare to shut it down?  It’s happening to the spread offense now.  Defenses are figuring out the spread and now teams with power backs are being successful.  Defenses are recruiting fast, small players and power back are bowling them over.  Look at Alabama.

Anyway, Paul Johnson has a special season cooking at Georgia Tech but most people are looking the other way because of the triple option.  The Rambling Wreck are getting no respect on a national level even though they’re 10-1 and owning the ACC.  With Georgia and Clemson left, it appears the Yellow Jackets will need to win both to get some headlines.  Until then, they remain a team with a gimmicky offense that has found a way to win with no defense.  I think they deserve more than that.

It's just this easy. Now do it.

Butch Davis departed Miami in 2000 and took a quick trip up to Cleveland before heading to North Carolina.  And upon getting to UNC, he made it clear to everyone he still owned Miami.  Tonight he proved that for a 3rd consecutive year as the Tarheels beat the Hurricanes.

I believe this is Davis’ revenge for Miami winning the national championship after he left and giving credit to Larry Coker.  Davis took over a Miami program that was in shambles and rebuilt it into a powerhouse before trying the NFL.  Coker came in and won that 2001 championship with Davis’ recruits.  That cannot be disputed.

Now Davis is back in the ACC and showing Miami that he still knows Miami better than Miami knows itself.  He is now 3-0 against his former team.  And this is UNC’s 5th consecutive victory over a ranked opponent.  Miami has fallen to 7-3 and looks far from the team that many thought could win the ACC.  Not this year.  Not this team.

I canz call the defenses?

Following the loss to Clemson, Florida State officials immediately shot Bobby Bowden and sent him to the glue factory.  The loss sent the ‘Noles to a 4-6 record.  Despite the fact it appeared C.J. Spiller could die at any given moment, the ‘Noles were unable to stop the Clemson offense when it mattered most.  The Florida Gators remain on the schedule so a final record above .500 is extremely unlikely.

“Bobby came up lame down the stretch,” said one Florida State official.  “We had to put him down.  It was a tough decision but one that had to be made.  We’re gonna miss the ol’ boy.  But on a positive note, Elmer’s Glue is giving the University $7 million for being able to use Bowden in their glue.”

It was a shocking demise for the second longest tenured and second winningest coach in NCAA history.  Florida State was supposed to challenge for the 2009 ACC crown but an early loss to Miami set the tone for a disappointing year.  Many felt the loss to in-state opponent South Florida was the final death knell for Bowden.

“We wanted to give the ol’ horse a chance to run another race,” said an unnamed FSU source.  “But he just couldn’t finish.  It was a hard decision but sometimes you just have to put a horse out of his misery.  What?  Bowden wasn’t a horse?  Oh shit.  Dude, we made a terrible mistake.  I wonder if Elmer’s knew he wasn’t a horse?”

Prior to his time at Florida State, Bowden coached at Samford and West Virginia University, where he was hung in effigy but never really killed.  Bobby Bowden – 79 years old.

"I ain't dead, you bastard. And I'm not a horse. Wide Right, my ass."

How do you fix a season in which your team has underachieved, your university boosters are calling for your head and your defensive coordinator retires? If you said “go to Sizzler,” you’d be incorrect. The correct answer is “unveil new uniforms!”

Yes, in the middle of the worst season Florida State has experienced since 1976, the Seminoles have decided to unveil their new football uniforms.  On Saturday, Nov. 21, the Florida State University football team will take the field wearing the Nike Pro Combat uniform, a new system of dress and the lightest football uniform Nike has ever created.  Check it out for yourself, lazy ass.  I’m not going to post all the pictures here.

Personally, I don’t like the uniforms.  Too much red and not enough gold for Florida State.  However, I will be the first to admit that the black helmets are badass tight.  Unfortunately, I don’t know that I would like that helmet combination with their current unis, which I prefer.  Regardless, FSU will debut new unis on November 21.

For those who don’t know, Mickey Andrews has been the defensive coordinator at Florida State University since 1919.  Andrews is the guy always yelling during the Florida State games and always seems to be attempting to eat his own face.  His defenses in the 1990’s were some of the greatest defenses in college football.  For all intents and purposes, it appeared this was going to be his last year.  And with the way things have gone at FSU, it seems he’ll more than likely announce tomorrow that this is definitely his last year.

It will be interesting to see how Florida State handles the departure of Andrews.  With Bowden barely hanging on, they would have to let Jimbo Fisher choose Andrews’ successor.  But will the departure of Andrews open the door for Bowden to finally step aside after 90-years of coaching?  Florida State is sitting at 4-4 and has 3 winnable games before closing with the Florida Gators.

I have thin lips

FRIEDGEN: “Let me just start by saying I missed dinner last night.  I heard it was chicken legs and chicken breasts and chicken thighs.  Even chicken wings and buffalo wings.  It was an all-you-could-eat buffet.  I can’t believe I missed it.  There was an entire dessert tray and everything.  I am just so pissed off.  Questions?”

REPORTER: “Coach, your defense gave up 370 passing yards to Duke today.  How are you going to address the secondary?”

FRIEDGIN:  “Well, that’s bad news.  I was thinking about taking them to Outback Steakhouse tonight.  I want a big, juicy Crown Victoria steak.  Oh, with mashed potatos.  And a baked potato.  And some of that potato soup.  It is so f%@$in good.  Maybe some pasta too.  Yeah, definitely going Outback tonight.”

REPORTER 2:  “Yeah, well, you seemed to have a problem establishing a ground game today. Are there any injuries that caused some issues on the line?”

FRIEDGIN: “Well, things were going alright but there was this smell of pizza lingering around the stadium.  Hot pizza.  Not like shitty Little Ceasar’s or Dominoes but like Chicago-style, deepdish pizza.  And I missed dinner last night.  I think I might get a pizza tonight when I get back from Outback.”

REPORTER:  “Ralph, are you concerned about your job?  Maryland is 2-6 now and the schedule ahead looks difficult to navigate.”

FRIEDGEN:  “Yeah, North Carolina State is up on the schedule next.  You know what’s good at North Carolina State?  Cafe Luna.  OMG!  The salmon pasta is unbelievable.  OHHHHH, AHHHH.”

REPORTER 2:  “Ralph, are you ok?  Is it your heart?  Do you need a doctor?”

FRIEDGEN:  “No, whew.  I was just thinking about that Outback and pizza and Cafe Luna’s salmon pasta.  I was thinking about have all 3 at the same time and, BAM, I just orgasmed.  Can you get me a janitor?  And a cupcake.”

OMG! Friedgen just ate Charlie Weis!

Who is the only undefeated team in league play in the ACC?  Who sits atop the standings in the ACC?  Virginia, man.  EFFIN’ VIRGINIA.  Damn right.  The Cavaliers are the only undefeated ACC team in league play.  Now, mind you, Virginia is hardly undefeated.  They have lost 3 games actually.  The Cavaliers have lost to TCU and Southern Miss.  And they lost to William & Mary.  Yep, William and Mary.  And, as Lou Holtz would say, W&M has “more Marys than Williams“.

Every other ACC school has lost an in-conference game.  Miami lost to Virginia Tech.  Virginia Tech lost to Georgia Tech.  And Georgia Tech lost to Miami.  Talk about a huge circle jerk.  On the Atlantic side, Boston College, Wake Forest and Clemson all have lost 2 games.  And Florida State is winless in the ACC.

Personally, I hope Virginia figures out a way to run the table and represents ACC Coastal in the ACC Championship Game.  Regardless, the ACC Atlantic is horrible and ACC Coastal is marginal.  The ACC sucks.  Go Duke.  Oh, and Go Blue!